Adjusting

Before I had Logan and Taylor, I read a ton of books about children and parenting. I had all these amazing ideas about how I was going to raise my boys. Surprise! Things don't always turn out the way you expect or want them to. Here are a few things I had to adjust to.

• I thought I would breastfeed exclusively. But Logan and Taylor were born so little and premature that they quickly get tired from feeding on my breasts, and they don't get very much food. So I have to supplement with pumped breast milk. Occasionally I have to supplement with formula.
• I thought I would feed Logan and Taylor at the same time. But with very little head and neck support, I have to hold them both tightly, which is kind of hard to do. So they have been taking turns, which is okay for now because Billy and my mom are here to help. But I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I'm on my own and one baby freaks out while I'm feeding the other.
• I thought the whole feeding process would only take about an hour, giving me two hours to relax. But with Logan and Taylor taking turns, and with the pumping, it often takes an hour and thirty minutes, which only gives me another hour and thirty minutes to shower, eat, and sleep - if I'm lucky, because sometimes they get really hungry after two and a half hours instead of the scheduled three hours.
• I thought I would never give my babies a binkie. I think that some parents use binkies to shut their babies up without looking for the real reason for their baby's cries. I also think that it makes it hard on parents when they have to pop the binkie back in every few minutes because the baby can't hold on to it and later on when they have to wean their baby off of it. But I have to admit that binkies have been very useful, especially in the middle of the night, when Logan or Taylor wakes up after only an hout to eat.

Of course I look forward to longer naps and shorter feedings, but I enjoy every day (and night) spent with my wonderful boys. I love being a mommy and I cannot imagine my life without them.

I am so grateful for Billy, who is not only an amazing husband but also an amazing daddy. He is so good to Logan and Taylor, and they always feel safe in his arms.

Trip to the E.R.

This Wednesday, I took my first trip away from Taylor and Logan. My mom watched them while I went to the mall to pick up pants for Billy. While I was waiting, I felt something leaking in my shorts. Fortunately, I was wearing some protection, but when the leaking didn't stop, I realized I wasn't wearing enough protection. On my way out the store, I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed that blood had leaked through my underwear and shorts. I was holding two bags, so I strategically placed one in front of me and one behind me. I hoped no one could see the blood now dripping down my legs. When I got to the car, I took Billy's pants out of the bag so that I could sit on the bag and not get blood all over my seat.
As I was driving home, I remembered my OB/GYN telling me to call him immediately if I bled more than the size of a golf ball. I wasn't exactly sure how much I was bleeding, but I knew I needed to get home right away, even if that meant driving down the highway at 80 mph.
When I got out of the car, the plastic bag stuck to my butt because of the amount of blood I was losing. I walked through the door and my mom said, "Nathalie, you're bleeding! You're having an hemorrhage! You need to lay down right now and call Billy!" I laid down on the carpet while my mom placed a towel underneath me and called Billy. Fortunately, he had had a half day at his rotation and was across the street, at school, studying. But he wasn't picking up his phone. I called again, and he picked it up. I told him I was losing a lot of blood and needed him to come home. Within 2 minutes he was by my side, examining me.
It didn't look like my incision was bleeding, which was great news, but I was definitely losing enough blood to send me to the hospital. Billy picked me up and ran out the door. I was glad mom was there to watch the babies. I don't even know what we would have done if this had happened after my mom had gone home. As we were going out the front door, a neighbor was walking out and walked us to the car, opening the door for us.
When we got to the hospital, a nurse came to meet us with a wheel chair. I sat in it and noticed there was even more blood in Billy's car. The nurse took me right in and another nurse started an IV on me. The E.R. doctor came in within a few minutes and examined me. He told us my uterus and incision were intact. Then he explained us that there had probably been a blood clot keeping my blood from running down little by little. When that clot came down, all the blood that had been accumulated came gushing down. Although it was scary to see so much blood, all my vital signs were fine and there was nothing to worry about. Just to make sure I hadn't lost too much blood, they tested it and found that I wouldn't need a transfusion. I did lose about 1 liter to 1.5 liter, though.
Within three hours, I was home. But in order to prevent an infection of the uterus, my OB/GYN prescribed me some antibiotics, which do pass into my milk. It is apparently safe for babies, but can cause diarrhea. After discussing the situation with Billy, we decided that it wasn't worth taking the risk of giving our babies diarrhea. So I am currently taking the antibiotics (for a week), feeding Logan and Taylor formula, and pumping and dumping my milk. Once a day, I still breasfeed them so that they can get the nutrients from my milk, get skin-on-skin contact, and not forget how to latch on. It sucks, but I want my babies and myself to be safe, whatever it takes. I just can't wait until next Wednesday when I can breatfeed them again, exclusively.

Firsts

First time in the car seats and first time for a car ride. (August 3)

Taylor's first bath. He was not very happy. It has gotten better since then. (August 5)

Logan's first bath. He was not very happy either. But he enjoys it a lot better now, too. (August 5)

First time going for a ride in the stroller. They really seemed to enjoy it. YAY! (August 11)

Logan's firsts:

July 31: latched on

August 3: circumcision

August 3: first car ride

August 4: peed on his own face

August 5: first visit to the doctor's

August 5: first bath (sponge)

August 8: first time sleeping in his own crib (during the day)

August 10: lost his umbilical cord

August 10: lost his penis cap from circumcision

August 11: first ride in the stroller

August 14: first bath (tub)

Taylor's firsts:

August 3: circumcision

August 3: first car ride

August 4: latched on

August 5: lost his umbilical cord

August 5: first visit to the doctor's

August 5: first bath (sponge)

August 6: peed on his own face

August 8: first time sleeping in his own crib (during the day)

August 10: lost his penis cap from circumcision

August 11: first ride in the stroller

August 14: first bath (tub)

Hospital stay

Mommy's first time holding Logan (left) and Taylor (right) at the same time.

Daddy's first time holding Logan (blue) and Taylor (yellow) at the same time.

Bonne-maman (with Taylor) came to visit and help out for a month. I don't know how we'll manage when she's gone.

Tonton Fred (with Logan) and Aunt Marie (with Taylor) also came to visit and help out for a week.

Because the babies were so premature and small, they got easily tired from nursing. So I had to nurse them for 5-10 minutes at a time and supplement with formula. My family was able to help with the feedings by giving the babies the bottle, which allowed me to sleep a little more. Once my milk came in, I was able to nurse them and supplement with pumped breast milk. Then again, my family was still able to help with the feedings.

Logan & Taylor - July 31st, 2009

My C-section was scheduled at 10:30 the morning of the 31st, so I got to the hospital at 8:30.

When I got there, the nurse hooked me up to monitors and an IV. It took a long time before they finally sent me to the operation room.

This is our very first family picture. I was totally oblivious to what the doctors where doing to me. Billy said the smell of my burning flesh was terrible! But I was just excited to finally meet my babies.

Taylor was born at 11:25 a.m., weighing 4 lb. 4 oz. and measuring 17 3/4 in.

He had some difficulties breathing, so he had to receive oxygen. Later that day, he had to be sent to the N.I.C.U. where he spent the night. He had tubes in his nose and the nurses poked his heels a million times that day to test his blood for different things.

Although I was excited to have Logan in the room with me, I felt that our family wasn't complete, with Taylor in the N.I.C.U. I missed him so much.

Logan was born at 11:24 a.m. weighing 4 lb. 13 oz. and measuring 17 3/4 in.

He was really healthy and spent the night with me. I was also able to nurse him as soon as he came into the room.

Week 35 update

This week when Billy and I walked into the waiting room, there were at least 4 other couples. I figured it might be a while before my name was called, so I went to use the bathroom. In there were a mom and her little boy. When I came out to wash my hands, the boy, who was probably about 3 years old, was staring at my belly.
Boy (confused): "Mom, what's in the lady's tummy?"
The mom: "There's a baby, just like in mommy's tummy."
Boy (understanding): "Ohhh, just a bigger one!?"
Me: "Actually, there are 2 babies in my tummy."
Boy (confused): "2 babies!?"
The mom: "Congratulations!"
And that's when they left. The little boy's face was priceless. His mom probably had to explain that one to him later on that day. Kids are so funny!

We've been doing nonstress tests for a while now, but this week was a little different because there was another pregnant woman in the room with me. Of course we were separated by a curtain, but I could still hear everything that was going on on her side of the curtain. After a few minutes, the nurse came in and told the woman that her baby wasn't responding the way he should and that they were going to run a few more tests. So I guess the nurse placed this machine on the woman's belly and it made a loud vibrating sound, which I'm sure babies don't enjoy very much. Then a few minutes later the doctor came in.
Doctor: "Your baby still isn't responding the way we'd like him to. During contractions, his heart rate actually decreases instead of increasing. We're going to have to send you to the 3rd floor of the hospital to have you deliver the baby. They're expecting you in the next couple of minutes."
Billy and I looked at each other for a few seconds, with our mouths wide open. That poor woman probably thought that she was just going to her weekly or monthly appointment. Instead, she had to run to the hospital, with no time to go home to pack her bags, and will not be coming home until she has her baby. And surprisingly, she was very calm... unlike us.
Billy and I have known for a long time that our babies could come at any time, because most twins do come early, but the reality of it really set in when we witnessed what this woman had to go through. I feel so relieved that our babies have waited this long to be born and that we pretty much know exactly how it will all happen the day I deliver. Of course, I know I need to be prepared for surprises, but at least I know the basics.

So, here is what I found out about the babies at this week's ultrasound and appointment.
- Logan is now 4 lb. 12 oz. and Taylor is only 4 lb. 1 oz. But the doctors don't seem to worry too much about it, so I'm not going to stress over it, either.
- They both have hair on their heads. Blonde or black, we don't know, but we will soon enough. I just hope they get Billy's skin tone.
- Taylor really seems to get a kick out of having his feet right in Logan's face, who doesn't seem bothered by it. I guess that's just what happens when two babies get crammed in one belly.
- I will not be able to hold the babies to my chest after they are born, which makes me really sad. But Billy will be able to bring them to my face so that I can see them before the nurses take them away and the doctors stitch me back up.

Well, there's only 1 week left. I thought I would have freaked out by now, but I have actually been pretty calm. Hopefully that will continue because this next Friday is the big day!

4:20 a.m. scare

At 4:20 a.m. this morning, I heard a knock on the door. It woke me up, but my eyes stayed closed. A few seconds later, I heard another knock on the door. This time, I knew I wasn't dreaming, and I opened my eyes. I turned to Billy and shook him a little. He had not heard anything because he was wearing ear plugs and ear muffs (that's a whole other story*). I told him that someone was knocking on our door. Just then, we heard a third knock on the door. Billy put his glasses on, put the chain on the door, and opened it slightly. The man told him that he had just gotten a call from his wife asking him to pick her up from the Machine Shed, but his car was out of gas and he needed $15. Billy thought this whole story sounded made-up, so he asked him a bunch of questions, and the story did change a little. The man said he moved into our apartment complex about 4 months ago, into Apt. 16. That's when we knew for sure that he was full of it. We knew that wasn't true because there is no apartment 16 and 4 months ago all the apartments were rented. But Billy decided to give him the benefit of the doubt about the rest of his story and gave him some money to help him out.
When we went back to bed, Billy said he wanted to call the police and report the man, just in case he was going from door to door, doing the same thing to everyone in these apartments and elsewhere. I told him he should not worry about it - I just wanted to sleep. But then Billy pointed out that the man had gotten through the main door of the apartments. Maybe he was investigating which apartments to rob sometime in the future. Maybe our apartments would get a reputation for giving money away. Maybe he was now knocking on all the doors of the townhomes that are right by us. That's when I started to get scared and let Billy call the police. The woman Billy talked to stopped him about mid-story and finished it for him. Apparently, the man had been doing this all night, telling the same story over and over again, and a few people had called the police to report him.
I find it so... sad that so many people cannot be trusted. He was dishonest and took advantage of many people last night. But in all honesty, I feel much better having given him money than not. Who knows what kind of person he could turn out to be. I would prefer giving him money, be on his good side, and be left alone, than not giving him money, be on his bad side, and risk our own safety. Plus, I guess it doesn't really matter what he needed the money for. We had an opportunity to help someone, and we did. If he used it on alcohol or drugs, that's too bad for him because the sin is on him. But if he used it to buy food for his family, then I'm glad we were able to help.
I just can't stand the fact that maybe one day someone will really be in need of help and will be turned down because there are so many dishonest people in the world. Honest people are paying the price for all the dishonest people who have gotten away with so much. And, in all reality, it is impossible to help everyone who asks for it. But it is much easier to say "Sorry I can't help you" in the Walmart parking lot than at your own apartment. It is scary to know that some guy with doubtful intentions knows where you live.
This got us thinking that the "I'm out of gas" story is a popular one, so maybe if this happens again, we could tell the person that we're sorry we don't have any cash on hand and offer to drive them to where they need to go. I wonder how they would react then. Would they back out? Would their story change? Would they run off?
This also made us realize a few things. 1) We need to make sure to lock our door at all times, 2) We should not answer the door in the middle of the night, 3) We need a peep hole, 4) The main door needs to be fixed so that only the people who live here can get in, and 5) We need to get a gun! If I were attacked right now, I would be totally helpless. But if I owned a gun, I would feel safe in knowing that I could defend myself.

*NOW I feel like I need to explain this whole ear plugs and ear muffs story. About a week or two ago, I apparently started snoring. I never snored in my whole life, but according to Billy I started recently and it is LOUD. So until last night, Billy would shake me a little or lift my chin up to keep me from snoring. It helped for about 2-3 seconds, but then I would start snoring again. Finally, yesterday Billy went to the store and bought a bunch of ear plugs and ear muffs, and they work! If it hadn't been for that man waking us up at 4:20 a.m., Billy would have had his first good night sleep in 2 weeks. Unfortunately for us, too, the sun rose about 30-40 min. later. We've definitely gotten used to not getting very much sleep recently.

25 goals

1. Take a photography class
2. Take a self-defense class
3. Take a cooking class
4. Go to Hawaii
5. Go bungee jumping
6. Go sky diving
7. Sew some cute baby clothes
8. Make some cute cards
9. Get better at scrapbooking
10. Take more memorable pictures
11. Spend more time with my friends
12. Learn stuff about cars
13. Learn stuff about computers
14. Practice playing the piano
15. Go to the temple more often
16. Convert someone to the Church
17. Make my own jewelry
18. Go water skiing on a lake
19. Teach Billy how to speak French
20. Go zip lining through the jungle
21. Serve others
22. Be more forgiving
23. Be more confident/outgoing
24. Be more patient/loving
25. Be the best wife/mom I can be

25 random things about me

1. I was born a redhead, and if you look hard enough, you could probably still find some.
2. I love to stand in the rain.
3. I got 4 teeth pulled out to wear braces, then I got 6 wisdom teeth pulled out.
4. I could eat sugary food all day and be perfectly happy.
5. I would rather be too hot than too cold.
6. My clothes are organized by season, then by color.
7. I have a flip-flop fetish.
8. I can quote lines from "Friends."
9. I was #1 in PE all the way through 10th grade.
10. The first English word I learned was sh**.
11. If I could change one body part, it would be my nose.
12. I like wearing tight jeans and heels because they make me feel sexy.
13. I hate the taste of root beer.
14. I sometimes talk before I think, and say very embarrassing things.
15. I went into Elementary Education because Physical Therapy was getting too hard.
16. I had my first crush at age 5 and it lasted 5 years.
17. I have never kept a plant or flowers alive for more than 3 days.
18. I enjoy arts and crafts, but I'm only good at copying other people's ideas.
19. I'm a much better sprinter than long-distance runner. I get tired after only 10 min.
20. I love to read because it gets my imagination going.
21. I could beat just about anybody at swimming and rock climbing - not bragging.
22. I have always wondered how much damage I could do by punching someone in the face.
23. I went to the premiere of God's Army 2 and hit on Lamont Stephens, the guy who is in a gang in the movie. He asked me out but was only in town that night, so it didn't work out.
24. A friend of mine once took a literature class but didn't have time to read all the books, so I read them and wrote the summaries. He got an A and was the professor's favorite student.
25. I feel blessed to have married a man who thinks I am better than I really am.

Do we have everything?

The babies are coming in less than 3 weeks and I am starting to worry about whether or not we're ready for them. Do we have everything?

We have the Pack'N'Play, which the babies will share for a little while. I think it's important for them to sleep close to each other at first - they're so used to it.

We have the swing. We only got one, so far, because we're not sure they'll both like it. We can still get another one later, if we need to.

We have the cribs, which take up most of the room. Once the babies have grown a little and can sleep for longer periods of time, we'll move them to separate cribs. The drawers underneath have blankets in them - all were homemade presents from friends and family members.

We have the rocker/glider, which I have already used a ton. This will probably be my nursing spot. I have even placed my boppy pillow in it, already. From there I can also read to the babies.

We have the changing table, which was FREE. My sister-in-law, LeiLani, helped me to paint it to match the rest of the furniture (before I was put on bedrest). We also have lots of diapers, wipes, diaper rash ointment, pacifiers, and burping cloths. And a trash can for the dirty diapers.

We have the dresser, which has most of the babies' clothes, and also onesies, socks, bibs, spare crib sheets, and the monitor (which changes colors according to the temperature of the room).

We have the carseats, but we haven't set them up in the car, yet. I want to make sure my car is vacuumed and clean before we do so. (Billy's job)

And we got Bumbos, because I heard they were the coolest thing ever, and I found them on Craig's List for super cheap.

In the bathroom we also have the bathtub, shampoo, lotion, and hooded towels.

In the kitchen we have the bottles, brushes, and a bunch of free samples of Formula.

And by the door we have the diaper bag and my hospital bag, just in case they decide to come before my scheduled C-section.

I also have a nursing cover, nursing bras, nursing pads, and I should get an electric breast pump at the hospital after the babies are born.

I think that covers it all. If you think of anything else that is a must-have, let me know.