Adjusting

Before I had Logan and Taylor, I read a ton of books about children and parenting. I had all these amazing ideas about how I was going to raise my boys. Surprise! Things don't always turn out the way you expect or want them to. Here are a few things I had to adjust to.

• I thought I would breastfeed exclusively. But Logan and Taylor were born so little and premature that they quickly get tired from feeding on my breasts, and they don't get very much food. So I have to supplement with pumped breast milk. Occasionally I have to supplement with formula.
• I thought I would feed Logan and Taylor at the same time. But with very little head and neck support, I have to hold them both tightly, which is kind of hard to do. So they have been taking turns, which is okay for now because Billy and my mom are here to help. But I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I'm on my own and one baby freaks out while I'm feeding the other.
• I thought the whole feeding process would only take about an hour, giving me two hours to relax. But with Logan and Taylor taking turns, and with the pumping, it often takes an hour and thirty minutes, which only gives me another hour and thirty minutes to shower, eat, and sleep - if I'm lucky, because sometimes they get really hungry after two and a half hours instead of the scheduled three hours.
• I thought I would never give my babies a binkie. I think that some parents use binkies to shut their babies up without looking for the real reason for their baby's cries. I also think that it makes it hard on parents when they have to pop the binkie back in every few minutes because the baby can't hold on to it and later on when they have to wean their baby off of it. But I have to admit that binkies have been very useful, especially in the middle of the night, when Logan or Taylor wakes up after only an hout to eat.

Of course I look forward to longer naps and shorter feedings, but I enjoy every day (and night) spent with my wonderful boys. I love being a mommy and I cannot imagine my life without them.

I am so grateful for Billy, who is not only an amazing husband but also an amazing daddy. He is so good to Logan and Taylor, and they always feel safe in his arms.

Trip to the E.R.

This Wednesday, I took my first trip away from Taylor and Logan. My mom watched them while I went to the mall to pick up pants for Billy. While I was waiting, I felt something leaking in my shorts. Fortunately, I was wearing some protection, but when the leaking didn't stop, I realized I wasn't wearing enough protection. On my way out the store, I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed that blood had leaked through my underwear and shorts. I was holding two bags, so I strategically placed one in front of me and one behind me. I hoped no one could see the blood now dripping down my legs. When I got to the car, I took Billy's pants out of the bag so that I could sit on the bag and not get blood all over my seat.
As I was driving home, I remembered my OB/GYN telling me to call him immediately if I bled more than the size of a golf ball. I wasn't exactly sure how much I was bleeding, but I knew I needed to get home right away, even if that meant driving down the highway at 80 mph.
When I got out of the car, the plastic bag stuck to my butt because of the amount of blood I was losing. I walked through the door and my mom said, "Nathalie, you're bleeding! You're having an hemorrhage! You need to lay down right now and call Billy!" I laid down on the carpet while my mom placed a towel underneath me and called Billy. Fortunately, he had had a half day at his rotation and was across the street, at school, studying. But he wasn't picking up his phone. I called again, and he picked it up. I told him I was losing a lot of blood and needed him to come home. Within 2 minutes he was by my side, examining me.
It didn't look like my incision was bleeding, which was great news, but I was definitely losing enough blood to send me to the hospital. Billy picked me up and ran out the door. I was glad mom was there to watch the babies. I don't even know what we would have done if this had happened after my mom had gone home. As we were going out the front door, a neighbor was walking out and walked us to the car, opening the door for us.
When we got to the hospital, a nurse came to meet us with a wheel chair. I sat in it and noticed there was even more blood in Billy's car. The nurse took me right in and another nurse started an IV on me. The E.R. doctor came in within a few minutes and examined me. He told us my uterus and incision were intact. Then he explained us that there had probably been a blood clot keeping my blood from running down little by little. When that clot came down, all the blood that had been accumulated came gushing down. Although it was scary to see so much blood, all my vital signs were fine and there was nothing to worry about. Just to make sure I hadn't lost too much blood, they tested it and found that I wouldn't need a transfusion. I did lose about 1 liter to 1.5 liter, though.
Within three hours, I was home. But in order to prevent an infection of the uterus, my OB/GYN prescribed me some antibiotics, which do pass into my milk. It is apparently safe for babies, but can cause diarrhea. After discussing the situation with Billy, we decided that it wasn't worth taking the risk of giving our babies diarrhea. So I am currently taking the antibiotics (for a week), feeding Logan and Taylor formula, and pumping and dumping my milk. Once a day, I still breasfeed them so that they can get the nutrients from my milk, get skin-on-skin contact, and not forget how to latch on. It sucks, but I want my babies and myself to be safe, whatever it takes. I just can't wait until next Wednesday when I can breatfeed them again, exclusively.

Firsts

First time in the car seats and first time for a car ride. (August 3)

Taylor's first bath. He was not very happy. It has gotten better since then. (August 5)

Logan's first bath. He was not very happy either. But he enjoys it a lot better now, too. (August 5)

First time going for a ride in the stroller. They really seemed to enjoy it. YAY! (August 11)

Logan's firsts:

July 31: latched on

August 3: circumcision

August 3: first car ride

August 4: peed on his own face

August 5: first visit to the doctor's

August 5: first bath (sponge)

August 8: first time sleeping in his own crib (during the day)

August 10: lost his umbilical cord

August 10: lost his penis cap from circumcision

August 11: first ride in the stroller

August 14: first bath (tub)

Taylor's firsts:

August 3: circumcision

August 3: first car ride

August 4: latched on

August 5: lost his umbilical cord

August 5: first visit to the doctor's

August 5: first bath (sponge)

August 6: peed on his own face

August 8: first time sleeping in his own crib (during the day)

August 10: lost his penis cap from circumcision

August 11: first ride in the stroller

August 14: first bath (tub)

Hospital stay

Mommy's first time holding Logan (left) and Taylor (right) at the same time.

Daddy's first time holding Logan (blue) and Taylor (yellow) at the same time.

Bonne-maman (with Taylor) came to visit and help out for a month. I don't know how we'll manage when she's gone.

Tonton Fred (with Logan) and Aunt Marie (with Taylor) also came to visit and help out for a week.

Because the babies were so premature and small, they got easily tired from nursing. So I had to nurse them for 5-10 minutes at a time and supplement with formula. My family was able to help with the feedings by giving the babies the bottle, which allowed me to sleep a little more. Once my milk came in, I was able to nurse them and supplement with pumped breast milk. Then again, my family was still able to help with the feedings.

Logan & Taylor - July 31st, 2009

My C-section was scheduled at 10:30 the morning of the 31st, so I got to the hospital at 8:30.

When I got there, the nurse hooked me up to monitors and an IV. It took a long time before they finally sent me to the operation room.

This is our very first family picture. I was totally oblivious to what the doctors where doing to me. Billy said the smell of my burning flesh was terrible! But I was just excited to finally meet my babies.

Taylor was born at 11:25 a.m., weighing 4 lb. 4 oz. and measuring 17 3/4 in.

He had some difficulties breathing, so he had to receive oxygen. Later that day, he had to be sent to the N.I.C.U. where he spent the night. He had tubes in his nose and the nurses poked his heels a million times that day to test his blood for different things.

Although I was excited to have Logan in the room with me, I felt that our family wasn't complete, with Taylor in the N.I.C.U. I missed him so much.

Logan was born at 11:24 a.m. weighing 4 lb. 13 oz. and measuring 17 3/4 in.

He was really healthy and spent the night with me. I was also able to nurse him as soon as he came into the room.